Facilitators: Cherlynn Conetsco and Alinda Lewris, including Letitia Baldrige's "Mind-Blogging with Tish!"
FAVORITE QUOTE "We do not sit at table only to eat, but to eat together.” ~ Plutarch, Greek author
IN THE LIBRARY: A key IAPC Desk-Side Reference by Cherlynn Conetsco, IAPC President. Margaret Visser’s The Rituals of Dinner (New York: Grove Press, Inc., 1991) is a scholarly work that I adore. My copy is highlighted, underlined, and dog eared with notes scribbled in the margins. When I want true depth and comprehensiveness on the origins and meaning of table manners, it is the first book I think of consulting.
For instance, Ms. Visser writes that before the invention of stainless steel in the 1920s, knife usage was avoided because the taste of blade metal could ruin fish, fruit, and salad courses. A steel knife would often turn black from food acids also. Aren’t we glad to live in the modern age with knives of stainless steel and silver? If provided, feel free to use your table knife, as needed, to cut bite-size portions of any of the above courses. Read more about knife etiquette in the IAPC Principles and Standards below. CATCH THE SPIRIT: Exploring Pandemic Etiquette The accepted respectful greeting worldwide is the Western-style handshake. Will that inevitably change due to increases in the severity or frequency of global pandemics? During last autumn’s wave of H1N1 influenza, American cartoonist Scott Adams (see website under Resources below) had his lead character responding in fear to a customer’s extended hand: “WHOA! Get that disease-infested paw away from me! Don’t you follow the news? Shaking hands is so 2008. No offense, but you look more like a virus incubator than a vigorous hand washer. So why don’t you pull that death stick back up your sleeve and we can pretend this ugly incident never happened.”
Everyone wants to protect his or her own health and respect others’; even so, participating in an introduction or welcoming ritual is so important that it must never be disdained. In some countries if your hands are full (at a party, let’s say), people will bump elbows because it is so important to connect well with others.
One could promote wearing gloves for protection, we suppose. However, there are many secondary cultural traditions that supplement the internationally recognized handshake. Might one of these greeting rituals be preferable? Social cheek kissing is popular, as is the full hug, but neither avoids the spread of germs. Back slapping and fist bumping aren’t quite as charming as we could wish for a mannerly alternative. Perhaps an old custom might be revived again, such as the Victorian-era head nod or quick curtsy dip. The Far Eastern waist bow and namaste have great potential for ascending in dominance. Both are intuitively recognized as courteous and neither greeting requires touching others.
Any change in formulaic manners must be widely understood to be respectful, and must be promoted with confidence. In advance of the next global health scare, Protocol, Etiquette, and Civility advisors need to share ideas on restrained greeting alternatives. If you are a forward thinking advocate, please send your handshake greeting substitutions to Email@ChoosingCivility.org We will share the results in a future Communiqué.
Everyone will profit from a gesture that is courteous, attractive, and suitable for general universal use during health scares. Until we hear from you, we suggest that a respectful welcome greeting that all cultures could accept when you are ill (or ill at ease) is the right hand over the heart.
IAPC PRINCIPLES AND STANDARDS Manners, especially our table manners, are scrutinized by others as markers of our sophistication. How we manipulate our eating utensils is important. Here we are pleased to review knife etiquette, specifically, how to hold a table knife. Four resources are pertinent:
Debrett’s New Guide to Etiquette and Modern Manners, John Morgan (New York: St. Martin’s Press, 1996) asserts that “On no account must (the knife) be held like a pencil.”
The original (1894) White House Cook Book, Small Points on Table Etiquette states very firmly: “Ladies have frequently an affected way of holding the knife half-way down its length, as if it were too big for their little hands; but this is as awkward a way as it is weak; the knife should be grasped freely by the handle only, the fore-finger being the only one to touch the blade, and that only along the back of the blade at its root, and no further down.”
Most cultures that used knives and forks ate in what is known as the American Style until the upsurge of the International Style which dates from the 1853 French étiquette book Manuel du Bonton et de la Politesse. It guided readers: “If you wish to eat in the latest mode favored by fashionable people, you will not change your fork to your right hand after you have cut your meat, but raise it to your mouth in your left hand.” Service Etiquette, Fifth Edition (2009) has detailed directions for the American and International styles of eating, including the various rest and finished positions. The following is the International Association of Protocol Consultants® / Officers (IAPC) Standard
Knife Etiquette: There are two ways to use a knife and fork, the American style and the International style. Either way is appropriate. Regardless of style, hold all table knives in the same manner, whether sharp, serrated, unsharpened, or a spreader: Grasp it in your dominate hand by the handle only, pointing the index finger along the top edge of the blade. Once lifted, no utensil handles touch the table again. Do not put a knife to the lips or into your mouth; use it only to manipulate at plate level.
When using a napkin, passing food, or taking a drink the knife rests on the plate, blade tip naturally pointing away from your dominate hand, with the sharp edge facing in (towards yourself or the middle of the plate). At the conclusion of a course where they have been used, knives should be laid parallel beside their accompanying forks – never crossed – with the knife closest to your dominate hand, again facing the plate’s center. The custom of crossing table utensils as a final act of religious piety is not in contemporary use. (Confusion occurs in some minds because utensils may be crossed to rest in the International style.) n.b. When there is conflicting guidance in popular protocol and etiquette books, IAPC conducts independent research in international publications dealing with manners and traditions, consults with industry experts, and performs peer reviews. We have reliable processes that allow us to develop universally accepted global criteria.
REPRESENTATIONAL DESIGN In the January 2010 Communiqué we discussed representing yourself, your family, your business or agency, and even your country to the very best of your ability when you entertain at table. This quarter, we continue with entertaining representation.
Tablescapes: In celebration of Chinese New Year*, Cherry Blossom Festivals, or simply Springtime, display centerpieces (or floral displays throughout a room) that include ‘tigers’ or large sprigs of cherry blossoms.
Place Cards: The most common are little cardboard tents that have guests' names on them, the face being about 2 x 3 inches / 5 x 7.5 centimeters. They are available online, at a stationers or print shop, or from an engraver. Handwrite in large, legible letters the honorific and last name or a dignitary's position title in the center or lower half of the card face in black or dark blue ink for a traditional look. For informal or casual occasions, a fun alternative that continues our Spring theme is using Japanese origami to fold paper cherry blossoms and writing "conversational" names (e.g. Michelle, Youssef, Juan) on them. The cherry blossom (sakura) is Japan's unofficial national flower and a celebrated harbinger of warmer weather. See web site link below for origami directions.
Multiple Tables: Name them, do not number them. It avoids the perception that you are at table number one but I ended up at table number last. Reinforce your entertaining objectives in the table names. For our theme example, you might choose "Tiger" or "Cherry Blossom", or use the famous names in the asterisk below. Multiple hosts should be seated at different tables, keeping a line of sight with each other so that each can see what's going on with the others.
*The Chinese Year of the Tiger began February 14, 2010. The following were also “Years of the Tiger”: 1914, 1926, 1938, 1950, 1974, 1986, and 1998. Many famous people were born under this sign -- Ludwig van Beethoven, Emily Dickinson, Queen Elizabeth II, Marilyn Monroe, Marco Polo, and Beatrix Potter among them. Any of these renowned persons may provide alternative inspiration if they can be linked with your representational event.
HOT TOPICS: CIRCLE OF FRIENDS An international Ambassador of Civility writes: “I have always wanted to visit DC in the Spring but unfortunately I am not in a position to travel. Is there a friendly IAPC Member and native Washingtonian who could share ‘inside tidbits’ about the United States capital?”
In answer to our international member’s request and in an effort to ‘connect’ with other Members and Friends, here are several tidbits about favorite spots and strolls in this grand city. Favorite Spots
The National Cherry Blossom Festival this year is from 27 March to 11 April 2010. Spring Washingtonians as well as people from all over the world head for the Tidal Basin and the grounds of the Washington Monument to see the beautiful friendship gift of 3,000 cherry trees that the city of Tokyo gave to Washington DC in 1912.
Last year after an evening walk along the tidal basin when the cherry blossoms were magically thick and ghostly, one of our members shared a light picnic with a friend on the Potomac River bank. After unpacking an assortment of deli meats, French bread, artichokes, asparagus spears, avocados, olives, and iced tea they discovered neither of them had brought glasses for the beverage. Solution: After eating the avocados, they drank from the skins as if from fairy tale princess slippers. They made a memory – the epitome of ‘connecting’ with each other.
If you enjoy picnics with the same crudités, here are a few etiquette reminders:
Artichokes: This “edible thistle” is cooked and served stuffed or plain, usually with hot drawn lemon butter, hollandaise, mayonnaise, or vinaigrette. Tear one leaf at a time from the whole artichoke with your fingertips. If lemon butter or vinaigrette accompanies, dip the edible end and quickly bring it to your mouth. With a thicker sauce, the edible end can be used like a corn chip. If the artichoke is stuffed, peel off a leaf and spread the stuffing onto it with a knife. To eat, pull the fleshy wider end through your teeth to remove the soft pulp. Discard the leaves onto your plate. Upon reaching the thin inner leaves, pull or cut them off to reveal the artichoke’s hairy center, which is inedible. Remove it to find the vegetable’s favored “heart” and cut the entirely edible piece bite size to eat.
Asparagus spears: If soft, eat with a knife and fork. If they are crisp, as with any crudités, you may pick them up with your fingers and dip into any accompanying sauce only once. Dipping into the sauce again after you have already taken a bite (double dipping) is forbidden. To avoid the temptation (if individual plates are available), place your own small helping of butter, mint sauce, or mayonnaise on the side; dip or add small portions with your knife to food before you eat it.
Avocado: An avocado may be served in its shell and eaten with a spoon. Serve it with salad dressing or balsamic vinegar in the cavity. If it is sliced on a plate or in a salad, eat it with a fork.
Olives: Olives are picked up and held in your fingers and eaten in several bites if very large, or put into the mouth whole and carefully eaten around. Pits are discarded into your cupped hand, and then placed on your napkin or on the side of your plate.
The IAPC Member sharing this story with us reported the welcome treat of receiving a handwritten thank you note. IAPC Senior Advisor Letitia Baldrige suggests that you send a thank-you note a few days after the event every time you are invited.
For the above picnic, it could read as short and succinct as:
Dear --,
Picnicking under the cherry blossoms was splendid – the exquisite view, the food, the company, and the conversation! Many thanks. It was important and pleasant catching up with you. I’ll always cherish sipping tea from our avocado slippers.
Sincerely, T.C.
Favorite Strolls
An Ambassador of Civility recommends a guided tour of Washington DC. There are even twilight tours on summer evenings. Most local tour groups will drive by the Supreme Court, the White House, the Capitol, and all major landmarks. It’s a breathtaking photo opportunity and provides the opportunity to select your own special spots for walking. Many tour buses offer hop on-hop off privileges which allow time to visit memorials and museums.
The Washington subway (called the Metro) is a convenient and stress-free way to get from one place to the other quickly. Metro Etiquette Tip: Stand to the right on escalators so that people in a hurry can walk on the left. The Smithsonian metro stop lets you out at the National Mall where several of the world's largest museum complex and research organization buildings are located. Stroll through the streets in Chinatown or the Penn Quarter for a restaurant located between the National Archives and the Gallery Place metro stations.
The National Archives is the home of the U.S. Declaration of Independence, a copy of England’s Magna Carta, rotating exhibits, and public records of ordinary Americans—for example, census records. Beginning this month, the United States is making an official count of its population which will not be available to the general public until 2082. Rent the movie, National Treasure with Nicolas Cage and you will enjoy the Archives even more.
You might bump into an IAPC Board member who enjoys concluding meetings with out-of-town clients or close personal friends by sharing an iced beverage or a bottle of champagne on the Rooftop Terrace of Hotel W, which offers great vistas of the White House lawn and the Potomac River.
A wonderful walk is along the Chesapeake & Ohio Canal (C&O Canal). This is a place where you can travel into the 1870's by observing a mule-drawn boat with period-dressed storytellers sharing the lives of those who lived and worked along this historic canal.
A short journey from Georgetown is Dumbarton House. Recently, two of IAPC’s executives took advantage of their educational exhibit Fran, Have You Supplied the Table? Foods, Service & Etiquette in the Federal Era, open through June 12, 2010. It presents upper middle-class dining in Washington DC between1790-1820, including food presentation, manners, and a unique collection of silver, porcelain, and serving wares. The exhibit included wine rinsers or wine washers, used by guests to cool or rinse scarce wine goblets between courses.
UPCOMING EVENTS Registration is now open for IAPC 2010 one-day seminars: Civility, Country-Specific Do's and Taboos, and International Protocol in Washington DC. Our higher level learning / executive education programs are open to all, but Ambassadors of Civility are eligible for discounts.
The programs also support IAPC Service Marks (Certified Protocol Consultant®, CPC®, and Certified Protocol Officer®, CPO®), which are filed and registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office. IAPC appellations are designed to raise public perception and standards in our highly specialized industry. Serious protocol professionals attain one or the other as a strategic goal to assure the world that they have attained an advanced level of knowledge, education, and experience. The designation also helps advance an individual's success with a professional network of international contacts, experts, and resources.
About IAPC The International Association of Protocol Consultants® and Officers (IAPC™) is organized, within the meaning of Section 501(c)(6) of the Internal Revenue Code of 1954, as an educational and professional nonprofit corporation to promote the welfare of its Members; to advance the efficient and skillful discharge by its Members of the duties of their occupation; to advance and safeguard their economic interest and generally to encourage and promote better social conditions for its Members through cooperative enterprises and do such other things as may be permitted by law.
IAPC | Civility, Country-Specific Do's and Taboos, and International Protocol | Washington DC
International Association of Protocol Consultants®, Certified Protocol Consultant®, CPC®, Certified Protocol Officer®, and CPO® are Service Marks filed and registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office.
